2012. I was living in Nairobi, in a good job and in an awful, dead end relationship. You see my problem has always been a belief that I can ‘help’ people, that I can change a person, become a saviour. I was always drawn to weaker people, especially if they were male. Perhaps this was my mothering instinct coming through.
I met him dancing on a table in the tourist town of Diani. He told me he was an animator. In my head I had romantic notion of him drawing cartoon characters in his hotel room by the sea. I couldn’t have been more wrong. He chased me, drew me in by using my weakness for helping people and I was hooked.
Fast forward 3 years and I was holding a positive pregnancy test. I was ecstatic, at the age of 32 I was going to have a baby. My job was good and secure, I could definitely look after the baby financially and emotionally.
I look back now and ask myself, what the hell was I doing? What was I thinking? Having a baby with him; the man who I had left a few times, the man who had stolen from me, the man who lied to me. I am an intelligent woman, I know all of my friends and family were thinking exactly what I would have been thinking. Is she stupid?
I definitely was back then, no doubt about it. But the best thing in my world (in THE world) came out of that situation. And the more distance I get from that time in my life, perhaps the only possible reason for me to ever be in that situation came out of it.